11 December 2008

Gauteng Metro Madness

Gauteng Metro policeman pulled Sipho's car over and told him that because he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in an Arrive Alive safety competition.

Sipho could hardly believe his luck.

'What are you going to do with your cash?' asked the traffic cop.'
Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers license,' Sipho answered.
'Oh, don't listen to him,' yelled Dipuo in the passenger seat. 'He tries to be smart when he's drunk.
This woke up Rodger in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, 'I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car.
At that moment there was a knock from the boot and Zakes' voice said, 'Are we over the border yet?'

The cop fainted.

Xmas Skinner

04 December 2008

Message from the Department of Transport

They say that 20% of all accidents are caused by drunken drivers.... So 80% involve sober drivers.

Can sober drivers please get off the road so that the drinkers can get home safely!!

03 December 2008

Vernon Koekemoer ...the saga continues



and my current favourite ...

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives/Girlfriends

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
.....or they are just GAY and loves animals :)

6 Degrees of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a momentand said 'How should I know,that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact onthe sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blondesays, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!
,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds himin the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,and as she does so, she is overcome with grief...she takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!! 'The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!
.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.S he proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.'A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.
,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?
,..-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,
SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'

Aerial Landscapes

National Geographic really do an excellent job in capturing the essence of nature, and beauty. These Aerial Pics are no exception. Click on the title to see more.

Wilpena Pound
Wells Nichols
Bora Bora
Adrar Madet Massif

I WANT ONE!!! ASUS U6V-B1-Bamboo 12.1-Inch Laptop

OOoohhh WOW - this is stunning - would love to have one (wink wink all friends and family members reading this LOL)

Product Description: ASUS U6V-B1 (bamboo) notebook is made of Eco-friendly material on LCD cover and palm rest part; Ultra Thin and light notebook with LED backlight; Centrino 2.
Full solution: performance: graphics power: NV9300 GS 256MB VRAM; connectivity and security: fingerprint reader, bluetooth, e-SATA, TPM; Entertainment: HDMI port, 0.3M pixel web cam. ASUS SmartLogon intelligently recognizes its rightful owner and grants access with positive facial scan. ASUS U6 notebook series is the fabulous jewel to light up any computing experience with extra sparkle that will sure to captivate all eyes.

The 12.1-inch wide U6 is the luxurious digital fashion for on the go metropolitan. The beauty of the U6 is complimented with its simple and clean lines. The contour gives the notebook as structured appearance with sturdiness. The leather bound palm rest adds yet another dimension to the U6 design with a softness that personalizes the tactile computing experience. The leather further extends down the front edge of the notebook furthering the comfort zone beyond limit. From afar, the U6V´ mocha sheen gives off a fashionesque effect that compliments any sophisticated metropolitan.

The high-shine cover, Voile, made by a 13-step process shines with underlying shimmering fibers gets its name from the equally delicate luminous fabric. The U6 screen adopts a special LED backlight panel that is half the width of and 1/3 lighter than the traditional LCD panel.

The bad news is ....Amazon is out of Stock LOL

02 December 2008

Escape ESC !!!

Click on the title to see that this is the follow up to when you loose CONTROL

The Threesome

I was one of the millions of people around the world who could see the close three-way conjunction of Venus, Jupiter and the crescent moon (this after a friend SMSed me to run outside and go check it out).
The brightest of the two planets, Venus, is set to remain high in the southwest all throughout this month, while Jupiter will be descending the western skies.

Venus is usually visible during dusk or dawn, hence its popular name as the Evening Star or the Morning Star.

The moon, Jupiter and Venus come together from time to time, but often they are too close to the Sun or unite at a time when they are not so visible. Apparently the next time this phenomenon will happen is 18 November 2052 (What !! I will be 74 at that stage lol)

They might look close together, but in reality both planets are separated by over 800 million kilometres.

We live in interesting times ...

28 November 2008

Friday funnies

Another crazy week has passed and we survived :) Here are some Friday funnies to gear you up for the weekend.

Wives are funny creatures.... They don't have SEX with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!

Wat is die toppunt van rassisme? As die tuinjong weier om die Afrikanertjies nat te gooi.

Non aan priester - ek bely ek dra nie panties nie. Priester: jou sondesis vergewe, betaal R20 en doen 5 wawiele tot by die altaar.

Boss to blonde secretary in interview: What is the difference between a paperclip and a screw. Secretary: I don't know I've never been paperclipped.

Wat is die toppunt van geraas? Twee geraamtes wat woelig Spyker op 'n sinkdak met 'n Coke blikkie as 'n kondoom!

Hulle het uitgevind dat Adam gay was. Geen normale man sal langs 'n kaal vrou sit en appels vreet nie!

Wat is die nuwe weergawe van: 'Boom,Boom,Boom,Boom, I want U in my room'?Sakkie,Sakkie,Sakkie,Sakkie, Kom ons gaan spyker in my bakkie!

Tannie vang oom met Playboy: ''En wat is dit die?' 'Ag, ou vrou, dis soos 'n Getawaytydskrif, 'n mens sien die mooiste plekke waar jy nooit sal kom nie!'

Ma, Pa en blonde Sannie ry in die wildtuin rond. Sannie se venster is oop. Die volgende oomblik storm 'n volstruis op haar af en pik haar blou. Na 5min vanstillte se Sannie: 'Fokken duif!'

I've found a great new diet and exercise routine! Take one Weetbix. Takean Aero chocolate bar. Crumble the Aero over the Weetbix. Voila! AEROBIX !

27 November 2008

Jeff fa fa ...DUNHAM ... dot com


You know when you have absolutely no expectations that something will be worth watching, and withing the first few minutes you get remarkably surprised ... well that is my exerience when I watched the two DVDs I got of Jeff Dunham - WOW I am a Jeff Dunham fan till the day I day !

Some Background on Mr Jeff fa fa (watch the DVDs and you will get it)
Jeff Dunham, born in 1968 in Dallas, Texas, is an American ventriloquist and stand-up comedian. A graduate of Baylor University, he has performed at comedy clubs across the U.S. since the late 1980s.

He has also appeared on numerous television shows, including The Tonight Show, where on his 1990 debut he was invited to sit on Johnny Carson’s couch, Late Show with David Letterman, and Comedy Central Presents in 2003.




In January 2008 Dunham was voted number 1 comedian in Comedy Central's “Stand-Up Showdown”.


(Of course Peanut is my favourite - the little bugger)

Click on the Title of this post to go directly to Jeff's website

L.A. Auto Show

Click on the title to go to the L.A. Auto Show's official website
Nissan Cube

Bentley Azure T

Dodge EV



Honda FC Sport concept
Infiniti G37 Convertible
Nissan 370Z




26 November 2008

20 November 2008

Element - Outdoor Adventure

(Once again - Thanks Ronel for the info - looks like she is becoming the local Party correspondent)
Red Eye and Teknotribe presentsELEMENT - OUTDOOR ADVENTURE29 - 30 November 2008
Join us for an INCREDIBLE 2 day outdoor adventure set amongst the ELEMENTs of the beautiful surroundings of Hartbeespoort Dam. Dockers is an awesome venue with great facilities for a rocking party. The venue is situated in Oberon resort, who OFFER a variety of accommodation options.

We present you with 2 dance floors, one inside for the Night Time Mayhem featuring a variety of music styles. The second IS set on the waterfront for a full on Sunday Psychedelic Stomp Session. We are proud to present to you international artist DAMAGE – this master producer has been playing in Japan for the last 4 years and THE LAUNCH OF his second album is guaranteed to rock your socks off. Also featuring is the dynamic DJ team PLUS MINUS from Cape Town.
You can look forward to spectacular d├ęcor, great sound, good vibes, and a mind blowing line up featuring the best artists from around the country.
DAMAGE - CD LAUNCH "Bad Creationz"http://www.myspace.com/megadamage
The name "Damage" needs little introduction to psy massive. Since his debut release "God Help Us" in 2005, his trademark sound has blasted dancefloors coast to coast. Now finally Yabai and MMD Records are proud to unleash the new full power "Bad Creationz" of Damage.
Damage slams out 11 new "Bad Creationz", showcasing a more refined style with some new variations of hard tech-like soundscapes, deep groove and distorted funk, combined with the signature killer cranking sound that will leave listeners,at home and on the dance floor screaming for more.
"Bad Creationz" tells a twisted psycho-delic story that Damage fans worldwide will beg never to end. This is not for the faint of heart, but is guaranteed to get the adrenaline pumping and the bodies rocking! Open your mind to Damage's "Bad Creationz".

PLUS MINUS http://www.organik.co.za
Plusminus are Mike van As and David Coe. They exploded onto the scene in 2006 and have been making waves ever since. They have played at some of Cape Town’s biggest psytrance events and gained a reputation for their scorching DJ sets and impeccable ability to read a crowd.
Playing at parties from Groovy Troopers to Prism, the future looks bright for this young duo. They are putting down some studio time and are preparing a killer live set that should debut 2009 summer season in Cape Town.

RED EYE http://www.redeyeproductions.co.za
PRICE: R160 at door / Presale R120 at http://www.strictlytickets.co.za
VENUE: DOCKERS at HARTBEESPORT DAMGATES OPEN AT 11AMMUSIC STARTS AT 3PM
DIRECTIONS:From N1 take the Hans Strijdom offramp, Drive towards Hartebeespoort. At the T-junction turn left, Travel for about 6.4 km, turn right at the Mountain Lake shopping centre, Follow this road 2.5 km into Oberon Resort. Follow the signs to the party.

INFO LINE: 074 148 7356 or SMS for directions.