12 October 2009

The Secret Obsession!?

“Are you not GAY?” ….”Why are you obsessed with my BOOBS” ….
This is the background conversation that I picked up while at a birthday party on Friday (which was a healthy mix of straight and gay …really a fantastic bunch of people). With closer investigation I find a friend (who will stay anonymous due to the fear of victimization by the ‘Pink Mafia’) with a camera down a lady’s top …the only suggestion that pictures are being taken is the subtle light of the flash through the fitted white top.

With the glimmer of the flash pulsing through the air – giving a feeling like you on the red-carpet or something – the conversation progresses to why Gay men like to touch, feel, pinch (…take photos of…) straight woman’s boobies. A interesting question seeing that when I think back of my boobie-experiences …I can understand why it would seem strange to the hetro-fraternity. So I posed the question to some gay guys and categorized the possible answers as follow:
(Please take note these are my own conclusions and is not based on Dr Phill’s psycho-analysis mambo jumbo…if the boob-attraction persists …consult your doctor)

Woman like the attention
This is probably the most straight-forward answers (no PUN intended). Woman, like homosexual men, like attention. And what better way to get it, without having to sleep with the guy or by selling your ‘poenani’, than by letting a gay guy touch and caress them. It won’t lead to anything more …

You can’t miss them
Nice, obvious, Double-D, perky boobies (the ones that you think can actually succeed in getting emancipated so that they can vote and travel the world) are sometimes just to good to let them pass without making an attempt to at least touch them. You might not have a chance like this again to be in the vicinity of such impressive ‘sisters’.

It’s Art – Appreciate it
Male or female…any body part …. beautiful has never been ugly…lets just leave it at that.

Erection Restraint
Some gay guys, while in the near vicinity of a potential ‘I-Wanna-Have-Your-Children-Gorgeous-Guys’ will have a quick feel of the nearest females boobies. This is a quick-fix that helps to lower the blood flow to the “small-brain” region. So when you stand up (after secretly drooling at his gorgeous smile, tight derrière, or drown in the whiff of his cologne ….while picking out a wedding dress in your ‘8-second-fantasy-world’….all at the same time) you don’t look like a girl scout who is trying for gold in Tent Assembly. Although proven to work …try to limit your boobie touching to girlfriends you know …or get a good Medical Aid.

The Erection-Test
This is mostly for those confused moffies who sometimes just want to test if they are still gay.
Touch Boobie=Erection=Straight-ish (go see a counselor)
Touch Boobie=No Erection=Gay

I am sure we all have had the scenario where you are in deep though about whatever …but when you regain consciousness you realise that you were subconsciously gawking at this random chicks boobies. A conversation on how you and your boyfriend love each (even if you single) and how woman’s physique is not appreciated enough is a natural progression to save your own ass. Hopefully you not in Pofadder in some rugby bar after your car broke down on your way to the Pink Loerie Festival …Again I advise you to get a good Medical Aid.

I am actually a Lesbian in a Man’s Body …
We all have been fooled by this one. Ladies …beware…. Homosexual Men do not wear Check Shirts ….ever !!! (except when they playing on of the Village People characters in a porn sequel).

Because We Can
Maybe because women understand us better than anybody else on this earth…and the non-judgment clause (which works both ways) is something gays and ladies treasure on the same level.

Well with all of that said I am gonna end by saying: “We love you ladies …and your boobies!!”

PS: All the boobies in this article would like to stay Anonymous and was sp0nsored by "Near ....far....the Cross Your Heart Bra" :)

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